Becoming the Person I Choose to Be
Lately I have just been realizing that life is so much more than whatever I'm doing right now. It's so much more than just going through the motions of school, work, and the routine of my social life (or lack there of). With recently going into college and now having to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life I have been having these epiphanies (or so to say). They're just random thoughts and questions in my head where I ask myself if I'm happy with my life right now. And if I'm not, then why aren't I?
This part in life is so full of choices. I have spent the last 18 years in the comfort of my home. A home made for me. Choices and decisions made by other people. When to go to school, what to do after school, where I'm living, what I'm doing in my free time. And for the last few years I had become so dependent on other people making decisions for me, but now that I'm on my own and making choices that will effect my life and future, I don't know what to do. I was so used to having choices chosen for me that I didn't even realize how I would feel when I didn't have anything made up for me anymore. I just went through the motions and was okay with whatever I was doing.
There's no one to tell me what to do and where to go and what job to get or where to go to school or how to live. I have so much freedom. So why am I making decisions and choices that are effecting my happiness?
Why am I choosing to purposely make myself unhappy? Why do I have all of the say in my life and yet, I'm still choosing the safe option. The one that bores me and makes me tired just thinking about it?
Why am I taking all of these classes that I have no interest in? Why am I choosing a career that doesn't interest me? Why am I sitting at home on the weekends instead of going on random target adventures and walking downtown to getting frozen yogurt?
I get that life is not all fun and there are adult things you have to do that will be boring and hard to get through. I understand that to advance in college I have to take some boring classes and I will have to sit through boring lectures that I don't have any interest in. I understand that I need a job to live and right now that job might not be fun or what I'm wanting it to be. But when it comes to the big stuff like choosing which school I want to go to or choosing my degree or choosing who I want to be with and where I want to be; why am I choosing something that doesn't bring me joy? Why am I choosing to do something that I know will cause pain or unhappiness?
It's these moments of "why am I doing/going to do this if I don't even want to do it?" that make me realize that I am in charge of my own life. I get to finally make my own decisions. All of these years of getting advice and discipline from my parents has prepared me to make these decisions for myself. I have finally made it to that point in my life that I dreamed about when I was little. Dreaming about being able to choose my life and choose what I want to do with it. THIS is the time of change. This is some of the biggest change that people go through in life so why not make it great and change it for the better?
I think sometimes people are too scared to make their own decisions because they're so used to having everything picked out for them. We have to realize that we are in charge now. And that's the scary part.
God has many different plans for us. Many of those plans we have no idea what's going to happen. But I think if you put your trust in him and trust that he will guide you through this scary process of change and going on your own to do something risky and different, he will be there to guide you and help you through it.
I hope this made sense and doesn't cause too much confusion and controversy. I'm just trying to make myself realize that I am in charge now and although things change and life might take a few different turns (more than expected), RIGHT NOW is the time to "become the person you decide to be".
Thanks for reading :)
xo- Leah
*I feel like gossip girl with this closing "xoxo" but I kinda like it so I'm going to keep doing it ;)
This part in life is so full of choices. I have spent the last 18 years in the comfort of my home. A home made for me. Choices and decisions made by other people. When to go to school, what to do after school, where I'm living, what I'm doing in my free time. And for the last few years I had become so dependent on other people making decisions for me, but now that I'm on my own and making choices that will effect my life and future, I don't know what to do. I was so used to having choices chosen for me that I didn't even realize how I would feel when I didn't have anything made up for me anymore. I just went through the motions and was okay with whatever I was doing.
There's no one to tell me what to do and where to go and what job to get or where to go to school or how to live. I have so much freedom. So why am I making decisions and choices that are effecting my happiness?
Why am I choosing to purposely make myself unhappy? Why do I have all of the say in my life and yet, I'm still choosing the safe option. The one that bores me and makes me tired just thinking about it?
Why am I taking all of these classes that I have no interest in? Why am I choosing a career that doesn't interest me? Why am I sitting at home on the weekends instead of going on random target adventures and walking downtown to getting frozen yogurt?
I get that life is not all fun and there are adult things you have to do that will be boring and hard to get through. I understand that to advance in college I have to take some boring classes and I will have to sit through boring lectures that I don't have any interest in. I understand that I need a job to live and right now that job might not be fun or what I'm wanting it to be. But when it comes to the big stuff like choosing which school I want to go to or choosing my degree or choosing who I want to be with and where I want to be; why am I choosing something that doesn't bring me joy? Why am I choosing to do something that I know will cause pain or unhappiness?
It's these moments of "why am I doing/going to do this if I don't even want to do it?" that make me realize that I am in charge of my own life. I get to finally make my own decisions. All of these years of getting advice and discipline from my parents has prepared me to make these decisions for myself. I have finally made it to that point in my life that I dreamed about when I was little. Dreaming about being able to choose my life and choose what I want to do with it. THIS is the time of change. This is some of the biggest change that people go through in life so why not make it great and change it for the better?
I think sometimes people are too scared to make their own decisions because they're so used to having everything picked out for them. We have to realize that we are in charge now. And that's the scary part.
"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." -Ralph Waldo EmersonI am no life counselor. I have no idea how you should live your life. I just think it's nice to put your realizations out in the open and see if anyone else is feeling this way. That's pretty much the whole point to my blog and I have gotten great feedback from people feeling the same way I do. It's nice knowing you're not alone. I think the bulk of this post is just me repeating myself. Trying to make my point understandable to read for anyone who doesn't "get it". The problem with writing this is it may sound like I don't understand responsibility and the fact that adulthood isn't supposed to be fun. But what I want others to understand is my question of "WHY"? Why can't adulthood be fun? Why do I have to only look forward to my days off instead of all my days? I understand it's not this easy but.. if you're not happy, change what you need to become happy. Whether its changing now and getting up to start a new chapter right away or changing your ideas and working hard now so in the future you're not in the spot you're in now: stuck.
God has many different plans for us. Many of those plans we have no idea what's going to happen. But I think if you put your trust in him and trust that he will guide you through this scary process of change and going on your own to do something risky and different, he will be there to guide you and help you through it.
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit -Proverbs 15:13
I hope this made sense and doesn't cause too much confusion and controversy. I'm just trying to make myself realize that I am in charge now and although things change and life might take a few different turns (more than expected), RIGHT NOW is the time to "become the person you decide to be".
*I feel like gossip girl with this closing "xoxo" but I kinda like it so I'm going to keep doing it ;)
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